finding myself

The other day someone in a chat asked me, ‘what you miss in life?’ at first instance my reaction was blank and then I whispered, ‘myself’ with an astonished look on my face but with pondering mind.

My mind travelled into wells of memories some still strong which I can narrate word by word, while other faded and I have revive them like finding a lost receipt in my bedside drawer which is jumbled up.

Every morning, in the race of nowhere, we get up, have agenda, things to do, meetings and what not but somewhere in this mad world’s rush we have lost ourselves. I still remember jumping wall of my terrace to adjoining house just to catch the kite or climbing the tree to pluck the delicious berry fruit in our school compound. I am sure today I won’t dare to, or can do it but, for sure won’t let any kid do it for the obvious reason that ‘myself’ is forgone.

Ask anyone about best friend’s name, I am sure most of us will recall those who were with us since childhood, when actually we have made many during past years of our life. We have shared ourselves with old friends our precious time, the casual attitude and then, the ringing deadlines, the pressure, the society taboo hardly mattered to us as we were happy in ‘myself era’.

I understand, my narration is nothing new, everyone is going through same phase more or less, but what I am trying to ponder is that why we lose ourselves in the process of gaining other?

Ironical the line ‘do you love me’ often asked by our loved ones, narrates ‘me’.

Ask yourself, do you?

Love myself, find myself.

Heart entrapped in closed fist

Biologically, our heart size is almost the size of our closed fist, I remembered these lines my teacher narrated long time back in school days. Heart and fist closed for me is synonym for what can be termed as our attachment to our dearer, worldly materials or ambitions.

We are slaves to bonds with our loved ones especially our children, our loved dwelled in them make us handicapped that at times we cannot take decisions against our rational thinking or what ever the world around us is shouting at, a single demand of our imprisoned feelings make us at service of our loved ones.

Similar to that is our passion for accumulation of worldly materials like money in deposit, property and establishments that we tend to forget the we are not immortal rest our ambitious gatherings are here to stay.

At times it surpasses our logical thinking when passion within us grow beyond its elastic limit to attract and attain our likings that we make to suffer so many links around us who walked with us all through these days and shall be there to stay in future but heart rules over head and we simply ignore their call just for one person whose passion has disturbed the chemistry of our brain, most commonly know as love.

Man is social animal, and our ancestors were monkey, no doubt in such situations where heart rules over head and our ambition flings the logic, we tend to behave like a monkey.

Funny but surprising, a video made my conclusion more affirmative to my belief where I saw how in Africa/Asia a monkey is trapped by natives of the land. The hunter first identifies a pit hole in the open area in forest land. These pit holes are rat's abode or usually those, which are left over by snakes with an opening no bigger than our clinched fist. The hunter then make sure that monkey is watching him, places few black grams in that hole and shelter himself behind a tree to wait for monkey to come. Interestingly, the monkey soon appears and puts hand inside the hole in rat's den to collect the grams. Picked and holding in his fist pulls his hand out. But here is the twist, the clenched fist/hand is now stuck. If  the monkey releases his pricy catch, his fist will easily slide out of the den but for the lust of his catch he does not, on the other hand gets panicked and tries to pull his closed fist out of the hole which in turn worsen the situation and the hunter taking an opportunity comes and ties a noose around monkey's neck. Enroped, drags the monkey to a cage making it a hunter's day.

We have clinched our heart to our attachments, nevertheless we hold them, the only escape we know is to release them and still let our existence in and around our family, our achievements, our wealth or precisely our mortal world.

Fountain head

The evolution of life began from single cell, that is a scientific theory based on knowledge and assumption, it, dates back to billion years in past, that is our fed source today.

Ironically our text book contains, to an extent what has been so far researched, experimented, invented, evolved or concluded. But is that all there? Definitely not, there lies questions yet to be answered, uninhabited zone, theories debatable.

According to a research, we have mirror neuron which cultivate apes like instinct within us, we tend to imitate what people around us are doing without giving a logic to its happening, perhaps we are carried away by vision or instinct, by theory it is the reason that, we try to acquire the car which family next door has bought and drove home while we watched and parked it next to our gate. But, the good news is that if we tend to yawn seeing other person doing it, this is our social animal gene that reflects we are human and do get affected by gestures of people around us, precisely it means, we do care. Reminds me of my first line in social science class, 'man is a social animal'.

Then, we expect things to happen, changes to be made, life to be made comfortable by someone else, which is not correct, inversely, it is that we have to be a change, to bring a change.

A discussion that triggered my thought, was about a change in a leader, will bring a change for people. Actually as human we look for change when we are piled up with our routines not fetching any results or desired intentions. It can be about a maid who cooks food for us but no one in family enjoys. We whisper of change. Its about the job where we attend nine to five but satisfaction is not matching our mark. We whisper of change. Its about the car which we once bought out of excitement realizing that it was hurried decision. We whisper of change.

But crux of the issue is that change makes apparently a different scene but the core essence remains the same and that is us, our expectations and gratifications. The more you yearn for it, the more harder it becomes to achieve. So its better to evolve within us then to look for it outside. The help of outside may merely be cosmetic, short lived or even below marks, but, the change within will be lasting, satisfying and may not tend to make a story beyond a reach.

Its not of a compromising decision, its of igniting inner instinct, power, and intellect within us to bring a change in ourselves, once done, things shall burst the new born flares within us, around us, in family, in neighbor, in society, in city and the things will be better for good and forever. Aptly quoted, no country is perfect, its we who have to make it perfect, laws are made but we have to enforce them, implement them and abide them, that shall be start of new outlook.

So, pleasant journey ahead is basically our own by product and I have no apprehension to say here, that each one of us should seek inner-self, our own source, the fountain of change flows within us, actually, we don't need a leader for it, but a feeder for it, so that pastures of life never barren.

You're mine, You're not, You're ......

At times it is hard resolving with oneself, in a soul hurt trauma, arising out of equation that makes it an emergency call.

Who are those we address as close and those as distant?

Rumi quoted if you are looking for a friend who is faultless, you will be friendless.

Who is close or distant or according to wicked mind’s note, who is friend or foe?

We humans are typically ungratified and demanding at the same time, we always bank upon our acquaintance for one or other reason, may it be a child for parents or other way around. Our concern or affection hardly is unconditional. Somewhere deep in our heart a hope or expectation is garbed in corner place, when a need arise we simply unveil it and just be what we are, ourselves, this is acid test. Surprisingly most of the contenders fail in it, because we over hype our expectations and results are always under scored. So culprit is within us, we search it in others and tend to get offended or even neglect them for not catering to our demands.

If we take close in the first instance, the one which is in blood relation, like one who is grown old as we grow. Or, it is one who gets knot to you into a relation, then it contradicts the first one, the person is not in a blood relation or grown with you. Let’s assume it is close relation but you don’t care for each other, rather the couple is distant to self. The logic of who is distant is between the lines, one need to read it.

What is more important is close knit relation than a distant affair. If one has feel and care for other person, love and affection for each other is unconditional then it’s a close relation. Not to clarify here that those in marital status are separated only by a paper document produced in front of third person, fought by fourth and fifth and verdict awaited to understand what shall be the status of once that was a close relation.

It’s dramatic to quote here that a better example of knotted relation would be something like a disease which builds inside a body stays there and dies with it, pathetic but that worst example fits aptly here. What to quote of termite that stays in the wooden trunk of tree keeps eating it day in day out and lives there till the tree lives it life.

Love or Loved?

Valentine's day a message to my daughter was sarcastically reverted back, I was taken aback, called her to find out whats bothering her, though that was not possible but her reply with a query was, love can only be expressed on valentine's day rather any day you express your love for someone should be valentine's day, it did trigger my thought process, at the back of my head it made me wonder is it important to love or be loved?
Life is not always pack of goody things, one comes across ups and downs, at times you yearn for person's love and at other moment their being with you makes you uncomfortable. what is more important than loving someone is being loved, love is unconditional and is not made possible, it silently enters your life and overcomes you, there is hardly any time left when you realise it has happened. loving is always easier than being loved.
A quote from a movie sounded like this that value of things is known before you possess them and of humans after you loose....
Man is complex animal beside being social, our brain chemistry is so intricate that its self confusing at time, we tend to have tears in our eyes when overjoyed and inversely smile without reason when deep in sorrow. Its difficult to understand love or being loved in words its a formula which has its own meaning and implications, its how it happens in persons life.
Aptly sung by a sufi singer 'Bulleshah' that break any belief in this religious world but don't break someone's heart as it's abode of the god itself.

Trip to nowhere...

Do we learn lessons from our mistakes, or mistakes teach us lessons ? An Urdu poet in his poetry questions god that on the day of final judgement he(man) shall ask Him first, why, He did not stop him(man) from before he(man) committed the mistake ? It's true life is echo, what you shall speak shall come back to you, what you sow shall you reap, but then at times these consolations are in vain, we have no answer for so many eventualities happening around us that make us wonder, why ? A translation to holy line read like this that in the end all noble souls left in the shade of gods mercy shall meet. Is that what we believe or is that what we have been brought up and told to believe.
Alexander the great warrior fought and conquered so many battles did not reach home alive, there is tale about him which tells that he told his mother that when his dead body shall be taken en route for final ceremony his hands should be open and out from sheet exposed for world to see that we all die empty hand. Nothing goes with us, but, does our deeds go, or, this is end of everything, our world finishes with our body, where we go, what goes with us and how the judgement is done, a million dollar question.
Sorrows make us believe in some power, supernatural power, that rules, its true, is that his decision or is that destiny.
Hindu philosophy believes that man in this life had destiny which is predetermined of deeds of his past life, but the good and bad ventures expedited by a person in this life tones the effects which gives final shape to his destiny of his life time. What remains good or bad is carried forward to his next birth, the essence of reincarnation sounds convincing but a vacuum feeling leaves one with a question, here I recall a sermon on TV channel which very aptly claimed that on every 'full stop' of Mighty who are we to put 'question mark', beliefs have their values and we are bound to it and shall respect too, perhaps this is our survival if not of the fittest but of the finest. 

Ant(insp)irator - Inspiration interpreted

Thanks to an inspiring thought of the day about inspiration which said Ant is the best living object in this world, works constantly, ten times its weight, without getting tired - silently.
How timid we humans are, we boast about tall claims about our achievements, success and victory, though true all efforts should be rewarded but how much actually we need the attention. The sorrow, sadness makes us throw our tantrums on people living around us and the noise that makes the environment pollute remains unattended by any pollution norm of these days.
A friend of mine over a discussion about how's happening in our life told me that that her husband thinks that he is superior to anybody else in the house and claims, shouts about principles and proving always that he is the right man, he is good, he is perfect, he is superior but the very instant my friend corrected her statement while speaking about it and said, there is nothing like superiority complex actually its complex and all complex within us are actually birth of certain inferiority, hence all complexes are inferiority complex.
We never stop and ponder over a thought that all our efforts don't actually need any attention, what me, you our anybody else in this social structure is breathing within the relationship is for ourselves we don't need claims we don't need to say by words or deeds, it should go smoothly, silently, life is happier if it sails with the wind of destiny peacefully accepting our endeavors and giving our best without thinking of end results.
Aptly said by Lord Krishna, man needs to serve his deeds only, needs to be 'karamyogi'.